Rodrigo Brand - Blue Skies
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Blue Skies



*Schuman waits by himself. He seems cold. Rupert arrives, startles Schuman.

Rupert: Sorry.
Schuman: You’re late.
Rupert: Sorry.
Schuman: Where were you anyways? No matter, what’s the punchline?
Rupert: What?
Schuman: “What”? What am I doing here, talking to a wall? The punchline. You can’t have a joke without the punchline.
Rupert: I know.
Schuman: So, what is it? Don’t tell me you didn’t bring it?
Rupert: I thought you were supposed to bring it.
Schuman: No! You, Rupert! You were supposed to bring it!
Rupert: Me? Why me?
Schuman: I get the story, you get the punchline! That’s why!
Rupert: Oh.
Schuman: Yeah.
Rupert: We’ve got no punchline.
Schuman: Tell me about it!
Rupert: What do we do now?
Schuman: We don’t have a lot of time, that’s for sure.
Rupert: We could use an old one.
Schuman: Look around, Rupert! No one is interested in old ones!
Rupert: My bones are freezing.

* Schuman grunts.

Rupert: Hey, we could talk about the weather, people talk about the weather awful a lot. Like, why is it so cold?
Schuman: Weather? Weather?! Who cares about the weather? You go outside, you take a look, done. There you go, you know the weather. No need to talk about it.
Rupert: People need to talk about something.
Schuman: Not the weather, Rupert! You wanna know about the weather? it’s cold and grey! there! Now you know! Now everybody knows!
Rupert: I’m sorry.
Schuman: you had one job.
Rupert: I’m sorry.

* Schuman grunts again, blows his hands.

Rupert: How about a chicken joke?
Schuman: Do you know a chicken joke?
Rupert: Why did the chicken cross the street?

*Schuman stares.

Rupert: because it’s New York and there’s too much traffic to drive.

*Schuman doesn’t laugh, doesn’t even smile, cold to the bone.

Rupert: And the subway sucks?

*Schuman keeps staring, knives instead of eyes.

Rupert: I’m sorry.
Schuman: I can’t believe it; we’ve got no punchline. I don’t know what to do. We’ve got nothing!
Rupert: I’m sorry.
Schuman: And stop apologizing! it gets to my nerves.
Rupert: Sorry. I mean! I won’t forget next time.
Schuman: I’m not going in there. People are gonna stare. They expect something, do you understand? They always expect something… something big, something… unexpected! Can you imagine? Not giving people what they want?
Rupert: You hate me.
Schuman: I don’t hate you.
Rupert: Yes, you hate me.
Schuman: You do these things sometimes, you… forget stuff.
Rupert: Like what?
Schuman: Like… like my birthday. You forgot my birthday.
Rupert: Oh. Is it your birthday?
Schuman: I don’t wanna talk about it.

*Rupert tries to hug Schuman. He pushes him away.

Schuman: What are you doing?! What are you doing?!
Rupert: I… I was going to hug you.
Schuman: Hug me?! Here?! Now?!
Rupert: I thought… Because it’s your birthday, you know.
Schuman: You know what, Rupert? Let me do the thinking from now on, okay? alright?
Rupert: Okay.
Schuman: And don’t stand so close. What people are gonna think? That we’re a couple, that’s what they’re gonna think!
Rupert: I’m–
Schuman: Don’t say it! Don’t you dare say it!

*Beat. They stand there. Both of them seem cold. Schuman looks up. Rupert looks up. Schuman looks at Rupert. Rupert looks at Schuman.

Schuman: You had to talk about the weather.

*Schuman opens an umbrella, stays under it. Rupert embraces himself, trembling with the cold.

Rupert: You’re right, Schuman.
Schuman: I know.
Rupert: It’s really cold.
Schuman: I know.
Rupert: Schuman…
Schuman: What?
Rupert: Can I…?

* They look at each other.

Schuman: Alright. Alright.

* Schuman gives in. Rupert comes under the umbrella. They stay awfully close to each other. They just stand there under the umbrella. Then Rupert gently puts his arm around Schuman’s shoulder, sort of embracing him.

Rupert: Happy birthday, Schuman.

1 Comment
  • Maria
    Posted at 12:35h, 10 February Reply

    happy birthday, Schuman!

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