Rodrigo Brand - Louise & Tommy
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Louise & Tommy


Tommy. Fucking Tommy. How can he sleep like this? Do you even know what’s going on out there? Huh? Do you? I bet you don’t. You know nothing, Tommy. Nothing. I like his hair though. It’s curly. And soft. Like a puppy.

– Tommy. Tommy. Wake up.

– What? No. Let me sleep, babe. It’s too damn early.

– Open your eyes, Tommy.

– Louise, what– Shit.

Yeah. See? While you’re there dreaming someone might be holding a gun to your face.

– Tommy, do you love me?

I met Tommy on a train in Arizona. He was reading a book. Poor Tommy, so naive I couldn’t resist. All it took me was a couple stares and I could tell he was hooked. Like those fish in little ponds. Park ponds. All it takes it’s a few bread crumbles. He’s domestic. Like a puppy.

– I swear Tommy, I’m gonna shoot you if you don’t tell me the truth.

How could he survive this long? I could do anything to him right now. I don’t even need this gun. Men… They think they know. They think they’re tough. Are you tough, Tommy? Are you? You see those internet videos of little boys crying when they’re about to get their first haircut… that’s who men really are. Crying babies. Pretending to be tough. If they only knew. Really knew. Maybe I should teach him a lesson.

– I’ll fucking do it, Tommy.

There. It’s cocked, Tommy. Whatchagonnado? I swear: if he cries I’ll pull the trigger. Call it a favor.

– What happened now, baby?

– Don’t you call me baby.

I confess: I like him. I do. But then again, I also like grilled cheese. Mmmm Quesadillas. Yeah. I could have a slice of pizza right now. I wonder if I drank all the wine from last night. I think there’s some left. Mmmm he hasn’t shaved. It looks decent. His face ain’t bad to look at, ain’t bad at all. I’m hungry.

– Are you upset? Is that it?

– I’m not upset. I’m calm. I’m super calm. I just wanna know.

Maybe I am upset. So what? 100 billion neurons firing faster than the speed of light. Try dealing with that. Meanwhile, you, yeah, you Tommy, having a hard time trying to balance two neurons at most. One in your head and the other one… Guess where, Tommy? I’ll be surprised if you guess your other head.

– Okay, you want me to say it, I’ll say it: I love you.


I can see his carotid sticking out. Don’t wet your pants, Tommy. I’m messing wit ya! A hot shower would be so good right now. Steaming water. So hot it would melt me. All that would be left is a pile of bones. Like in a Stephen King or a Clive Barker novel. If I didn’t know any better I’d think that whole CSI investigation thing was true. What a bunch of horseshit. Cops can’t find a murderer even if he walks into a police station. Mmmm I think I’m horny too.

– Where is it then? Where is this love? Can I see it?

Maybe I should shave my head. Total freedom. Natalie Portman looked so good. Kristen Stewart too. Oh, Charlize… Would you fuck me, pleeeeeaaaase!

– Show me. C’mon. Show me.

– Sweetie, how can I show you fucking love?

I like messing with him. Like Blanche messes with Mitch. Juliet messes with Romeo. I wonder if I could actually cause a heart attack. You know, when a man says: “you’re giving me a heart attack, baby!”. Blah! I almost barf in my mouth. I bet I can feel Tommy’s heart pumping. Let’s see.

– So I guess you won’t need this then.

– Yes, I will.

– What for?

Yup. Racing like a greyhound. Good.

– It pumps blood through my arteries and veins. Pretty fucking useful, isn’t it?

– Is it? Are you sure?

So easy. So fucking easy.

– Cause I don’t feel any blood right now.

One thing I must admit: I liked that Tommy didn’t tremble. When I sat next to him on that train. I always check the guy’s hand when I talk to them. Shaking hands are such a turn off. I could tell his heart raced a bit. But he kept his cool. He kept it together. Ready for battle. Maybe he’s not so bad after all. Maybe I could really like him.

– What do you mean?

He’s also not bad in bed. Of course I’m never gonna tell him that. Too much for a guy’s ego to hold. He would go through the roof I’m sure. He smells good. I like that.

– You know what I mean.

All it takes it’s one little kiss on his neck. One little… me-ow close to his ear. So easy. So fucking easy.

– I know for a fact that guys love with their dicks…

I like guys that can stand pressure. Feed me. Fuck me. Hold me. That’s it.

– And I’m not feeling yours.

I knew I was going to fuck him in the first couple minutes of our little train chat. Wanna know how? He didn’t drool all over my tits. I mean, I have amazing tits. Natural. Guys go crazy. Girls too. But he put an effort not to stare. And he actually listened to whatever mambo jambo I was saying. And, I, don’t even recall what I was saying. I was just testing him. Maybe he’s smarter than I give him credit for.

– That’s called morning boner, baby. It got nothing to do with love.

– You’re gonna leave me, aren’t you?

Maybe he is a keeper. I don’t know. Like a puppy? Maybe I could train him to do things right. I mean, what are the odds of me running into Charlize Theron?

– No, I’m not. Maybe. I don’t know.

– If I shoot you, you won’t.

Or maybe I should kill him. You know? Before he breaks my heart.

– There are other things you can do to make me stay.

– Forever?

– Forever is a long time. Besides, I’m pretty sure you’ll get bored– Oh–

Or I could break his heart first. I could fuck his brains out. Then tie him somewhere for someone to find.

– Tell me…

Shit. He is a good cuddler though. And one time he brought me breakfast in bed. Me. Can you believe it?

– I didn’t mean–

Fuck. Do I love this guy??? Nah! I’m just really hungry. And horny. These fucking hormones! Come here, Tommy.

– Do you love me now?

– Baby, I–

– Shhhhhhhh

Shut up, Tommy, don’t ruin it. Fuck. He does feel good. Oh. Yeah. Tommy. Pizza. Hot shower. Grilled cheese. Charlize Theron. Stars. Peaches. David Beckham. Linen sheets. Chateau Margaux 1875. Tommy. Macallan on the rocks because fuck it. Sunny California. Strawberries. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy… the sunlight burns, but the moonlight shines.

– Tell me the truth.

I just might like him.

– From the moment I set my eyes on you.

– Liar.

Crazy thing is: I like being alone. I really do. No strings, no drama, no additional headache. I can open my own jars, if you know what I mean. I wasn’t even lonely. When I went to talk to him. I just… I don’t know. He looked like… like he wasn’t a moron. I guess I fucking like puppies.

– I’m telling the truth.

– Are you gonna cum for me?

– No.

– Why?

– Because no one tells me what to do.

And he tries. He really does. Maybe I should give him a shot.

– Are you sure?

– I am.

– What if…

FYI: I’m holding a gun to his neck and he didn’t cry for his mom. He didn’t flee. He didn’t beg. He didn’t turn his eyes away. Oh! Yeah! He totally looks me straight in the eyes. That’s important. Shows… confidence. I almost forgot! 100% I’m gonna make him cum.

– Louise…

That or I’m gonna pull off a Hanne Schaft. You know? Lure. Seduce. Fuck. And Kill. Kill them all, I say. Then I’m gonna drink some wine. Then I’m gonna eat a good slice of pizza. And then I’m gonna have that steaming shower of mine.

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